Comedy Questions From Beginners For Experienced Comics

[Mutant Despot]

Hey guys, I'm preparing a new short set of all one- or two-liners to try out at a few open mics, but I'm worried about timing. How much time would you allot for a standard one-liner, including the time it takes to tell and the pause for laughter afterward. Of course this will vary depending on the reaction each jokes gets, so for the sake of argument let's say "huge" for all of them. What is the longest and shortest time I might need for each joke? I realize also that this will vary based on my own speed of delivery, but if multiple people answer this question I figure I'll get a good range for that too. Tough question, I know, but I would appreciate any help anyone can give. Thanks.

[myq]

Hey everyone, sorry to join this conversation so late, but did you know that this forum has lots of posts and it's hard to keep up with all of them in the moment?

That's true for me at least!

So I'm sorry to time-travel us backwards (not literally, I wouldn't be sorry about that), but I saw my name and just wanted to say thanks!

Connecting or referencing material done on the show prior to your performance is a great way to make a show seem spontaneous and "in the moment". Boston comedian Myq Kaplan is a master at this.

Also, you know Myq? I love that guy! Platonically.

Thanks! (Did it!)
You guys are nice.

And also, so I'm not just only wasting space with appreciation (though is appreciation ever a waste? answer: probably sometimes including now), here's an answer to a question that was asked more recently.

Hey guys, I'm preparing a new short set of all one- or two-liners to try out at a few open mics, but I'm worried about timing. How much time would you allot for a standard one-liner, including the time it takes to tell and the pause for laughter afterward. Of course this will vary depending on the reaction each jokes gets, so for the sake of argument let's say "huge" for all of them. What is the longest and shortest time I might need for each joke? I realize also that this will vary based on my own speed of delivery, but if multiple people answer this question I figure I'll get a good range for that too. Tough question, I know, but I would appreciate any help anyone can give. Thanks.

As someone who has written lots of one-liners and needed to figure out how long sets full of them might take, I would recommend just speaking them out loud to yourself and seeing how long they take you to tell, at the pace that you think you'll go on stage.
Then add up those numbers and you have a total.
Also you could add pauses for as long or as short you think laughs might be.
If you're very funny I would add larger pauses.
If you're not funny at all I would add smaller pauses.
(Insert small pause here, because what I just said is maybe funny but only a little.)

There's no way to know for sure.
But the good thing about one-liners is, if you get towards the end of your set and you've added wrong, you can always take out a joke or two if you're running out of time.
Or you can always riff something hilarious if you have lots of extra time.

Eventually, when you have recordings of you doing certain one-liners, you can find out exactly how long they take in front of various audiences, and then you'll be able to use that knowledge to help predict your future one-liner rates.

Sincerely, because there is no standard one-liner length, I think you will be your own best resource in this matter.

Or if you insist on receiving a numerical value as an answer, and I've failed you by not providing that, I'll say 20 seconds.


PS I thought of one other way that is serious or a joke, depending what you think--go to my twitter, time how long it takes you to read my posts, add how long you laugh at them (or how long you think in your head "that's funny") and voila. You have another subjective answer to factor into your comedy equations.
(Which I might call comediquations. And now definitely do.)

[John Santana]

I am known at the comedy club where I perform by my stage name. Recently I've been asked if I'd like to do some paid work. Am I better off getting my paycheck made out to my stage name or my legal name?

[ASR]

Obviously your legal name.

And what's your stage name, I'm curious.

[Alex Mac]

Yeah. Keep it your real name.

[myq]

Tax forms usually allow you to put down a stage name as well as your legal name, so I don't think it's actually a problem to get a check made to your stage name.

But certainly, if you have a choice, your real name is your real name.

[pg13]

I am known at the comedy club where I perform by my stage name. Recently I've been asked if I'd like to do some paid work. Am I better off getting my paycheck made out to my stage name or my legal name?

I'll answer your question, but allow me to make one other alternate suggestion.

Consider saying "No" to the gig.



That's right. Turn it down.

Think about it... If you turn down the gig, you don't have this problem.

It'd be a power move--showing self-discipline beyond the reaches of most mortal men--to recognize that you'd be better served by continuing to learn your trade before you ply your craft professionally.

I don't expect you to actually turn down a paid gig. As the Hoodoo Guru's once sang, you (or anybody else) "could never be that strong". But it's good training for the time when you'll get asked to fill a spot that you're simply not capable of filling...and you should WANT to be ready for when you get those opportunities to deal with the consequences.



Or you could be motivated by "Saving Private Ryan"'s "Earn it!" speech.


Just some food for thought.


REAL ANSWER: As someone who has booked shows and paid performers (and someone who worked in radio--including with personnel responsibilities--where lots of people use names other than their given names), if you're resistant to telling those bookers about your stage name because you're concerned about confusing people--this is showbiz, they're used to people using stage names. Go ahead. You can tell 'em to make the check out to your real name, they'll understand.


Two things to know if you do choose to get paid under your stage name:

1) The Taxman doesn't care how your name is spelled on your checks, as long as you claim all that you've been paid.

2) The BANK might have an issue with you trying to cash or deposit checks made out to people whose name is not what your ID says your name is... Talk to your bank in advance and see what their policy is... Some banks want you to create a "DBA"-based business account, some banks are fine with a second signature card. Especially if your stage name is significantly different from your real name (not just a clearer spelling)

pg--I got paid for my sixth time doing stand-up comedy. I didn't really know what I was doing and they shouldn't have paid me...but it was a corporate gig for a spendy housing development and they were just throwing that money away anyway. The show actually went fine, but I never cashed that first check. (On the check, they spelled my last name with only one "y".)--seattle

[Cameron]

Are stage names in stand up really that common? I mean, unless you have the same name as already famous comedian, I don't see the point.

And considering that one of biggest current comedians has a last name like "Galifianakis," it's not like having a hard to spell/pronounce name will really hold you back (at least I hope it won't, my last name is crazy weird too).

And to me, going by some sort of crazy nickname is the first step to being an awful comic.

[ASR]

I always joke that if I were going to use a stage name, it'd be Alec Smart.

But I just feel like it's so silly to use a stage name in the first place. Not that I have anything at all against people who DO use them, it's just that for ME... it's just not something I'd do.

[scamboogah]

Yeah, stage names are stupid.

You hear that, Louis Szekely?

[ASR]

I couldn't care less is he still went by that.

Either way, tons of people can benefit from stage names. I was just talking about relative to myself: my name is Alec Robbins. There's nothing crazy or hard about that to remember, so it's silly for me to use a stage name in my eyes.

[Alex Mac]

What about a case like me? Variations of your name? My last name is MacIntyre and that is what I started using when I was first doing open mics. Invariably, everywhere I go, people shorten this to Alex Mac. It started happening at the open mics, so I sort of went with it. Now, my full last name works fine but Alex Mac simply rolls of the tongue and opens up a plethora of "Secret World" puns. At this point, way too many people know me by this to change it. Granted, I have a joke about my full last name so its not like I don't mention it onstage but I am curious.

[ASR]

Like I said, I was only talking about myself. I've already said it'd be really cool to use Alec Smart as my stage name, but I just can't bring myself to do it because there's nothing wrong with my regular name. Maybe in the future I'll change it, but for now the notion is silly to me.

In your case, I love it, if only because of 90's Nick.

[John Bennerman]

Obviously your legal name.

And what's your stage name, I'm curious.

Hi ASR.
My stage name is John Bennerman. From now on I'll use that to post on here. I did not choose to use a stage name to be pompous - it's easier to use then my given name and I like to keep my personal life separate from my comedic endeavors.

Edit: Wow, I kind of sound like a douche.

[bridgetosolace]

John Santana is a MUCH better name.

[ASR]

I agree. "John Santana" has got a great ring to it already. "Bennerman" sounds mumbly and clustered.

[Shane]

It sounds a lot more jewish, and a lot less hispanic. Comedic strategy?

[scamboogah]

Hi ASR.
My stage name is John Bennerman. From now on I'll use that to post on here. I did not choose to use a stage name to be pompous - it's easier to use then my given name and I like to keep my personal life separate from my comedic endeavors.

Edit: Wow, I kind of sound like a douche.

In what way is Bennerman easier than Santana? More letters, same syllables.

Enlighten me. What's your process?

[Alex Mac]

Santana sounds flashy. Or some other adjective. But I agree with all the people who agreed with bridgetosolace.

[John Bennerman]

In what way is Bennerman easier than Santana? More letters, same syllables.

Enlighten me. What's your process?

I like that "John Bennerman" is very unique. I think the only other "John Bennerman" I found when I googled it was some guy who died in the 19th century. It's also convenient for yahoo mail - If my name were "John Santana" there are so many of them that I'd have to be something like JohnSantana8967@yahoo.com whereas JohnBennerman@yahoo.com was available as an email account and I grabbed it.