Writing News Jokes

[Brian J.]

Hey All,

Recently I started reading news websites for about a half hour and trying to craft jokes in the style that you would see on the Tonight Show or Late Night or Weekend Update. In the interest of Progress I'd like to post a few I came up with today. Let me know if I have the structure down or if there are any tips you can offer me.

1) The show Guiding Light has been canceled after 72 years on the air. When fans of the show were reached for comment it was discovered that fans of Guiding Light were mostly dead.

2) A young man is trying to use Facebook to try to catch his girlfriend's rapist. The rapist shouldn't be too hard to catch if he is also a facebook user as his status probably reads that he is hoping not to be arrested for rape.

3) The spokesman for the ShamWow informercials was arrested on Miami Beach after getting into a messy brawl with a hooker. On the plus side, the ShamWow was able to mop up all the blood.

[scamboogah]

#1 - I like. Nice piece of business. Quick in, quick out.

#2 - A little too much predication and explanation. How about just assuming he's on Facebook and cutting out the middle part of the joke? Also, I don't know what the opening sentence means. Using Facebook how?

#3 - My least favorite. Sort of obvious, and not really funny in any way. The punchline suggests that everyone's reaction to hearing about somebody getting in a fight with a hooker is 'I wonder how they cleaned up the blood...".

Anyway, that's me 2 cents...

[CaptainBreakfast]

I think there was a thread before the crash where you could dump jokes and get people's reactions. That will be this thread.

p.s. The only way to truly know if something is funny is to tell it on stage.

1. It's getting there.
2. Very wordy.
3. It's been covered.

[pixel revolt]

Don't forget to factor in the guitar stinger at the end of each punchline.

[Brian J.]

Originally Posted by CaptainBreakfast

p.s. The only way to truly know if something is funny is to tell it on stage.

No, I don't want to tell these jokes on stage. These are just jokes I'm writing for practice and in the hopes that one day I'll get good enough that I might get the chance to be a joke writer.

The story about facebook was that this guy's girlfriend got raped and he is posting and sending the rapists photo on facebook. (it's a blurry photo from a surveilance camera). I guess in the future i should look to include more information about the news items to inform the listener of the story.

Thanks for the help guys.

[ProfessorShutYoMouth]

I liked them all, have nothing really useful to add but I'll say I agree with Scammy's suggestions.

[Cameron]

I think a good rule to follow is avoid Shamwow jokes at all costs (regardless of how tempting it may have been this weekend).

[ChrisChambers]

Bare in mind I can only comment based on my personal opinion that is in no way an informed or qualified one.

1) I really like this one. It fills in the blank after my brain says "about time" after the first line.

2) The base idea behind this one is my favourite of the three. I think that the rapist having to be a facebook user for this plan to work is sort of a given and could be left out. I like just having the status thing come completely out of the blue while I'm thinking "how the he'll would he do that?"

3) Not a terrible joke but I've heard it many many times this week. I'd give it a miss.

My first attempt at being helpful and giving unqualified advice.

[RubelT]

2) A young man is trying to use Facebook to try to catch his girlfriend's rapist. The rapist shouldn't be too hard to catch if he is also..

on twitter?

3) The spokesman for the ShamWow informercials was arrested on Miami Beach after getting into a messy brawl with a hooker. On the plus side..

he really wiped the floor with her?

well, that's what would jump out at me.

[DiscoInferiorityComplex]

Originally Posted by Brian J.

2) A young man is trying to use Facebook to try to catch his girlfriend's rapist. The rapist shouldn't be too hard to catch if he is also a facebook user as his status probably reads that he is hoping not to be arrested for rape.

This might work better if you treat the punchline as a visual joke.

A young man is trying to use Facebook to try to catch his girlfriend's rapist. After much searching, he thinks he's found the perpetrator...

[Show FaceBook homepage, profile pic features a man wearing a ski mask]
<b>Steve Nelson</b> hopes he's going to get away with that rape

[Hated Milk Machine]

If you're trying to write Late Night monologue jokes, rape is a topic you should probably steer clear of.

[clerkguy24]

Originally Posted by Cameron

I think a good rule to follow is avoid Shamwow jokes at all costs (regardless of how tempting it may have been this weekend).

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[mezmorized]

I'm also working on my monologue packet for the late night shows, so if you (or anyone) ever want to bounce jokes off each other send me a message. I'll try to post some jokes when I come up with them.

1. (Punchline could be) Fans have been unable to comment on the cancellation since most are dead.

2. The jokes should usually be two lines. Set up. Punchline. The shorter the punchline the better.

3. The ending to your set up is kind of lost in the punchline. If at the end of the set up you said, they got into a bloody altercation then it would work, but instead your leading us down the path of a sex joke and giving us something else.

The last few words of the set up should prime the audience for the joke they are going to hear.

Ex. A cereal company had to order new packaging for their boxes when their 800 number sent callers to a phone sex line. Callers were confused when they were asked what kind of nuts they like.

[klorjne]

Originally Posted by Brian J.

stuff

This is all based off my experience watching Weekend Update, and not me being a pro or anything.
I loved the first one.
Second one could have gone for a quicker payoff (as everyone's already stated).

"A young man is trying to use Facebook to try to catch his girlfriend's rapist. The rapist shouldn't be too hard to catch if he is also a facebook user as his status probably reads that he is hoping not to be arrested for rape."
I'd reword it as something like:
A man is trying to catch the guy who raped his girlfriend through facebook. When he finds him, he says he'll super poke the shit out of him.

[MJEH]

I also enjoy building bits on topical interests. I recently posted a bit about
the Disney Company experiencing hard times due to the economy. They had a 32 percent drop in revenue or profits, I forget, but they're down anyway.

"The Disney Company is suffering because of this economy as well.

It's so bad they've had to initiate a new admission price policy: $5 a minute.

Chip and Dale had to take part-time jobs as lab test animals.

There's a sign on the menu at the Animal Kingdom Restaurant: 'Yesterday's Exhibit is Today's Main Course'.

It's so bad that Snow White is auctioning off 3 of the 7 dwarfs."

Note: Never give a narcissistic asshole a chance to demonstrate his lack of humor.

[MJEH]

"The New York Times is suffering and is on the verge of going away forever.
Millions of people are upset by this, because then they'd have to line the
bottoms of their birdcages with the Boston Globe."

[Brian J.]

Originally Posted by MJEH

I also enjoy building bits on topical interests. I recently posted a bit about
the Disney Company experiencing hard times due to the economy. They had a 32 percent drop in revenue or profits, I forget, but they're down anyway.

"The Disney Company is suffering because of this economy as well.

It's so bad they've had to initiate a new admission price policy: $5 a minute.

Chip and Dale had to take part-time jobs as lab test animals.

There's a sign on the menu at the Animal Kingdom Restaurant: 'Yesterday's Exhibit is Today's Main Course'.

It's so bad that Snow White is auctioning off 3 of the 7 dwarfs."

Note: Never give a narcissistic asshole a chance to demonstrate his lack of humor.

Wow way too milk that joke. I also like the joke about the New York Times. I like the way you craft your jokes. Any tips? Your style sounds like you should write for Letterman.

[dawsoncomedy]

Fun thread. Can I play? Here are three:

• Yoko Ono announced she is painting a mural to benefit autism awareness that will be auctioned off in 67 pieces. Hey, at least it isn't four pieces this time.

• During his visit to England this week, President Obama gave Queen Elizabeth an iPod as an official gift. Loaded on the iPod were pictures, videos from her last trip to the U.S., and the Princess Diana version of Candle in the Wind.

• A judge in Malawi has rejected Madonna's bid to adopt a 4-year-old girl from there. Madonna's reps were blindsided by the news, saying they had no idea Malawi had a functioning judicial system.

— Dawson

[DiscoInferiorityComplex]

The Iowa supreme court struck down a ban on same-sex marriage today, making it legal for gay Iowans to tie the knot. To celebrate, Governor Chet Culver changed the name of his official residence from Terrace Hill to Terrence McNally Hill.

boooooooooooo

[scamboogah]

Originally Posted by dawsoncomedy

Fun thread. Can I play? Here are three:

These need to be edited down. Try this;

Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles Princess Diana's death is funny Africa is backwards.