Writing News Jokes

[RubelT]

I'd ask you to do it but that would mean coming out of retirement.

[scamboogah]

I don't even know if THAT was supposed to be funny.

[RubelT]

Maybe you need to retire from looking at this thread too scammy.

[RubelT]

The World Health Organization has raised its pandemic alert for swine flu to the second highest level, meaning that it believes a global outbreak of the disease is imminent. A new symptom has been added to the list which now includes retired people coming out of retirement and posting in threads they retired from.

[scamboogah]

Is that your mission? To eventually drive off everyone from reading this thread that doesn't get your 'jokes'?

You know, if you just wrote stuff on a piece of paper and threw it in the garbage, then that would also result in no one reading it. Seems like that would achieve the same goal without all the typing and what-not.

This is a two-way medium. One would assume that by posting your jokes here that you might be open to some kind of feedback. If you're not, then start a blog and disable the comments section, and if you are, don't be a dick if someone finds some of your punchlines a little muddy and requests some clarification.

[pixel revolt]

Jessica Simpson revealed she has written a tell all autobiography about her marriage with 98 Degrees singer Nick Lachey. Simpson says at first she didn't realize she was writing a book, she just wanted to take advantage of Chili's "Write a Short Story, Get a Free Sundae" promotion.

[pixel revolt]

The joke is technically funny because Jessica Simpson wrote a book and I am inferring that her motivation to write it stems from her repeatedly entering a Chili's "Write a Short Story, Get a Free Sundae" kid's promotion. Then after having entered that promotion so much and eaten a ton of sundaes (she's fat) she realized she had enough material for a book.

If I haven't fully explained it feel free to post any polite questions.

[RubelT]

My mission has been to use this as a thread to post nonsensical thoughts that I may have while reading the news. Its been a lot of fun or so I thought.

[scamboogah]

If I haven't fully explained it feel free to post any polite questions.

Question #1: Are you being sarcastic?

Thanks anyway Pixel, but that was a well constructed joke that needed no further details. Although, when I originally read it, I assumed Simpson was already fat and lured in by the sundaes, not that the sundaes are what made her fat.

[pixel revolt]

You're welcome!

Posting on a comedy message board is fun!

[Charles Pepper]

View from an outsider:

I love this thread. I read through the whole thing. On the whole, the jokes are awful. Just really, really bad. But what’s funny about the thread is Scammy. He is so offended by RubelT’s horrible jokes that he had to RETIRE from the thread. Like he’s Larry Gelbart or something. Meanwhile, his jokes are barely a notch above RubelT’s or MJEH’s. Technically better, but not funny. His attitude is hilarious though.

[scamboogah]

My mission has been to use this as a thread to post nonsensical thoughts that I may have while reading the news. Its been a lot of fun or so I thought.

I think if you had said early on, "I'm not going to attempt to write jokes, but just post nonsensical thoughts even though the thread is called Writing News Jokes", then all of this unpleasantness could've been avoided.

Virtual handshake.

[scamboogah]

I don't get Charles Peppers' joke at all, and it makes me ANGRY!!!!!

(Actually, I liked the Larry Gelbart reference)

P.S. Keep in mind that everything I do is tongue-in-cheek, and fully realize how equally awful (especially mine) most of the jokes in this thread are.

[RubelT]

Well they are news related nonsenses, to be fair.

[DiscoInferiorityComplex]

Start with the one above. North Korea is testing nukes, South Korea has made glow in the dark puppies. As far as I can tell, this is two statements of fact, nothing more. The only way they're related to each other is by the name 'Korea'. What am I missing?

North Korea has nukes. South Korea has glow in the dark puppies. Nuclear material is stereotypically known to make things glow. North Korea borders South Korea. North Korea's nukes may make even MORE glowing puppies in South Korea. Laughing yet?

[scamboogah]

Wow, it turns out I AM dense. I honestly hadn't thought of that angle of it. Since South Korea was already making the glowing dogs, I didn't put 2 and 2 together that the radiation would make more of them in a different way.

Now explain the Craigslist vulva massage and penis frostbite ones and I'll be good.

[RubelT]

honestly I didn't make that connection writing that. I was only pointing out what pointless activities are going on in the south while the north makes nuclear war. I like it though in retrospect and am going to claim it. Thanks disco.

[scamboogah]

Vindication is mine!!

[Barmy Man]

Thank you, God.

[RubelT]

yes rest assured scammy, wherever you see my name on this thread..there will be nonsense.