Writing News Jokes

[scamboogah]

Mike Tyson's daughter is on life support after an accident involving home exercise equipment. When reached for comment, Mike Tyson said he feels whore-bull.

Well, the kid's dead, making this pretty tasteless no matter whose kid it was.

Also, explain your punchline. I don't get it AT ALL.

[aenemaTron]

Next door to death - classy
Dead - despicable

I learn so much from this thread.

[scamboogah]

Actually, I found it pretty gross before learning of the child's demise. Discovering that, coupled with the bizarre (maybe racist?) punchline pushed me to comment.

I learn a lot from this thread too. For instance, I've never heard the phrase 'Next door to death'. Is that a less intrusive, minding your own business form of 'On death's door'?

[Hated Milk Machine]

Mike Tyson's daughter is on life support after an accident involving home exercise equipment. When reached for comment, Mike Tyson said he feels whore-bull.

WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN

[Barmy Man]

My guess is he was playing on the way Tyson talks. He probably thought writing "horble" wouldn't play as well. I doubt there's a deeper meaning here.

[pixel revolt]

I think the punchline is the confusion created by his post.

[suavepebble]

The funniest part about Brian J.'s post is that he is right now -- literally right this second -- sitting there thinking "I really wish I didn't post that mike tyson joke... now I am going to have to go on there and do some awkward, sheepish shit."

[Charles Pepper]

The funniest part about Brian J.'s post is that he is right now -- literally right this second -- sitting there thinking "I really wish I didn't post that mike tyson joke... now I am going to have to go on there and do some awkward, sheepish shit."

I'm sure in retrospect, he feels whore-bull about posting it.

[scamboogah]

Oxford University's first female professor of poetry is being forced to resign in the midst of a sex scandal. Authorities became suspicious when she offered a graduate level class called 'Residents of Nantucket and their genital abnormalities'.

[Berliner]

It seems the writers of Archie Comics have decided Archie that will finally be marrying love interest Veronica over Betty Cooper. This is sure to be a controversial decision that's sure to inflame 70 year old shut ins who have had no other form of entertainment for the last 40 years besides Archie Comics.

[klorjne]

On May 23rd, Comedy Central aired Louis C.K.'s Chewed Up. Or as I like to call it, a preview of the next Dane Cook special.

[scamboogah]

A student at the University of Chicago has started 'Men In Power', an advocacy group to help white males get ahead professionally and fight against reverse discrimination. Projects that the group is working on include scholarships for people with large trust funds, helping kids from the Dominican Republic develop an interest in baseball, and to tear down the statue of King Tutankhamun at the Oriental Institute and replace it with one of Don Draper.

[scamboogah]

Former Colorado congressman Tom Tancredo claimed Thursday that Obama's Supreme Court nominee, Sonia Sotomayor was in the 'Latino KKK'. This sounds much worse than it actually is, since the Latino KKK is just a nickname for the Mexican Society for Deaf People.

(Que?)

[scamboogah]

Heather Miller, a 10 year old girl fighting cancer, got a special treat from the Make-a-Wish foundation on Thursday when she got to meet the Pittsburgh Steelers. Linebacker James Harrison did not make the trip, saying, "If you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when you don't have cancer. If the Cardinals had won, she'd probably want to meet them instead."

[scamboogah]

According to Peru's Environment Ministry, over 12 million cubic meters of raw sewage are dumped into Lake Titicaca every year. When asked about it, America's junior high school students all agreed that they when they first heard of this place, they had always hoped that the lake was full of titties...

[MJEH]

"General Motors filed for bankruptcy protection and it will now be at least 60 percent owned by the federal government. President Obama has already started shopping it around by working on the phrase, 'What have I got to do to put you in this car company today?'"

[Brian J.]

Hey guys, I want to direct you to http://www.sandpapersuit.com/

Scroll down (6/1/09) there is an entry about a writer who got hired to write for Conan. There is a link to his blog with some of his jokes. Hopefully this will help all of us aspiring comedy writers.

[scamboogah]

Scientists at CalTech believe the Earth could be habitable for another 2.3 billion years, extending previous estimates of life’s horizon by more than 1 billion years. This pleased George W Bush, as it now means there's a possibility his presidency could have a positive approval rating some day.

Scientists at CalTech believe the Earth could be habitable for another 2.3 billion years, extending previous estimates of life’s horizon by more than 1 billion years. Other experts believe that this is probably just a result of women telling CalTech scientists, "I wouldn't sleep with you in a billion years."

Scientists at CalTech believe the Earth could be habitable for another 2.3 billion years, extending previous estimates of life’s horizon by more than 1 billion years. Kim Jong-Il described the estimate as 'hilariously optimistic'.

[KevinLee]

Can MJEH post some jokes about doing an open mic at a GM plant, in this thread?

[RubelT]

Hey guys, I want to direct you to http://www.sandpapersuit.com/

Scroll down (6/1/09) there is an entry about a writer who got hired to write for Conan. There is a link to his blog with some of his jokes. Hopefully this will help all of us aspiring comedy writers.

It would have been easier if you had just posted the link to his blog.

Oh you mean this guy ?

http://jokesthatwontmattertomorrow.blogspot.com/