"The State Department arrested a husband and wife for being Cuban spies for the last 30 years. They weren't too difficult to identify due to the great cigars they always passed out, the Che Guevara posters on their office walls, and their rust-free 1955 Chevrolet Bel Air sedan."
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
This one is so stupid I had to post it:
A rancher in South Dakota won the Powerball lottery. Friends say that ever since he won the 232 million dollar prize, he's been a jolly rancher.
"During his announcement speech, he stated that the family's $5,000 mobile home had been repossesed and, with his winnings, he can now buy an even NICER trailer."Originally Posted by Brian J.
Sorry, but I couldn't get this one out of my head either. My head is a dangerous place.
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
Former First Lady Laura Bush has said that she supports Barak Obama's selection of Sonia Sotomayor for The U.S. Supreme Court. Mostly because she finds it adorable when her husband tries to pronounce her name.
Supreme Court nominee Sonya Sotomayor stumbled and broke her ankle at LaGuardia airport in New York. The airport has looked into what caused her trip-up and have identified a craftily worded question on race.
Oh great! Does this mean we're going to have a catfight over which one of us gets to be Diana Ross??
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
Norman Brinker, the man credited with inventing the salad bar, has passed away at the age of 78. It has not been confirmed yet, but sources say that at his funeral there will be a sneeze guard over his coffin.
Last edited by Brian J.; June 10, 2009 at 6:29 PM.
The parents of James Leininger, a young boy from Louisiana, believe that he is the reincarnation of a pilot who died in World War Two.
They feel that there is strong evidence to back up their theory. Most notably, the child's first words were "Damn Japs!"
Here are some totally lame-ass Chrysler/Fiat jokes...
"Italian automaker Fiat has officially purchased the assets of Chrysler LLC. In honor of the event, Fiat announced that the Chrysler 300C 'Totally Guido Edition' will be offered in 2010."
"Chrysler had stated that the name 'New Yorker' would never appear on one of its cars again, however, after Fiat's purchase, they did not rule out the names 'Rigatoni', 'Vermicelli', and 'Provolone."
"Negotiations between Fiat and Chrysler were, at times, very tumultuous. In fact, at one point, the CEO of Chrysler found the head of Lee Iacocca in his bed."
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
"Arnold Schwarzenegger is considering using websites to educate children in Califronia schools to save money on textbooks. The schools will now offer classes on 'YouTubing', 'MySpace Page Organization', and 'Illegal Peer-to-Peer Network Downloading'."
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
"At his funeral, a sign read: '$4.99-All You Can View'."
This joke brought to you by the results of a vacuous apperception.
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
A woman in Israel has accidentally thrown away her mother's mattress that was stuffed with a million dollars in notes. The mother horrified by her daughter's actions said "its like I gave birth to a clueless Bernie Madoff."
Letterman just basically told this joke, except it was past tense from the funeral.
A couple from England have been convicted of killing a Plymouth man the morning after their wedding. Authorities said a sign reading "Just Murdered" hanging off the trunk of their car led them to the body.
Last edited by Soldering Iron of Justice; June 12, 2009 at 1:45 PM.
Why would the sign say 'Just Murdered' if they killed someone else?
"Even gutter hags trump pretty boys." - BabyCakes
I guess I didn't phrase it well enough. I was trying to convey that the guy who was murdered somehow scrawled the message right before his demise.
you guys just murdered his joke.
"This is not the Beach Boys. It can't be. Why? No beach songs! I thought it was some kind of joke. All 'Pet Sounds' offers is the opportunity to hear Brian Wilson whine for forty minutes, backed by elevator music. There's barely any Mike Love on the album at all."
Wouldn't that imply that a sign that says 'Just married' means that the people inside the car just presided over someone else's wedding?
"Even gutter hags trump pretty boys." - BabyCakes
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