Writing News Jokes

[Justin T.]

Yeah, stick to stuff that everyone can relate to, like obscure Nascar drivers.

I live in Nashville. A lot more people can relate to NASCAR here than where you live...

And yeah, more people can relate to NASCAR than decapitated babies...

[aenemaTron]

Also, Nashville people love bad, meandering jokes with no punch-line.

If you think there's no such thing as a funny dead-baby joke, you don't know anything about pain.

[DiscoInferiorityComplex]

And yeah, more people can relate to NASCAR than decapitated babies...

How about we start a comedy team, where I combine my love for dead babies with your love of NASCAR?

NASCAR Sprint Cup driver Jeremy Mayfield was recently suspended for failing a drug test. He claims the test was faulty. I haven't seen such a miscarriage of justice since I kicked Sandra Day O'Connor in the uterus.

[scamboogah]

And yeah, more people can relate to NASCAR than decapitated babies...

I can't relate to either one.

One is the result of a deep seeded psychosis manifesting itself in dangerous and aggressive, borderline retarded rage.

And the other is killing babies...

[Justin T.]

/\Ok that one was funny.

[Justin T.]

Also, Nashville people love bad, meandering jokes with no punch-line.

Ok that was slightly harsh...

[AliasRomanian]

I recently saw a claustrophobic snail. He was a slug!

[KevinLee]

somebody get this guy.

[Brian J.]

-A man robbed a convenience store at gun point with his child standing next to him. When the child tried to take some candy, the father said "put that back."

[KevinLee]

That's pretty good Brian J. I think that would make for a really good sketch.

Alias I sent you a PM about your one-liners question.

[AliasRomanian]

That's pretty good Brian J. I think that would make for a really good sketch.

Alias I sent you a PM about your one-liners question.

Thanks man!

Here is another:

If I found a magic lamp and it was dark out. . . I would wish for a regular lamp.

[KevinLee]

Somebody get this guy.

[AliasRomanian]

I just got my drivers license taken away after getting to many DUI's, but that's okay, because I still got my car keys.

[KevinLee]

NEWS Jokes, you dolt!

[AliasRomanian]

Oh lol. I thought it was "NEW". I have a slight dyslexia. My bad.

[Pleated Jeans]

Couldn't find a Late Show thread, so putting it here (move if necessary):

Bill Scheft, a writer for Letterman, discusses writing for the show and working for Dave in this Salon video:

http://www.salon.com/ent/video_dog/?.../03/bt_scheft/

[Soldering Iron of Justice]

Former US President Bill Clinton arrived in North Korea yesterday for talks with North Korean leader Kim Jong Il. It was the first direct communication between the two nations in 15 years. The topics ranged from nuclear testing to the release of political dissidents. When asked if he had made any progress Clinton smiled and assured the reporter that he will be leaving North Korea with a happy ending - one way or another.

[HeyItsLiam]

Guys, I would love some positive feedback about this joke, thanks:

President Obama surprised Hearst columnist Helen Thomas with cupcakes for her 89th birthday on Tuesday during the White House daily briefing.
Thomas then cupped her cakes and flashed her titties at Obama.

[scamboogah]

Positive feedback?

Can't help you.

[Harry Bongers]

Guys, I would love some positive feedback about this joke, thanks:

President Obama surprised Hearst columnist Helen Thomas with cupcakes for her 89th birthday on Tuesday during the White House daily briefing.
Thomas then cupped her cakes and flashed her titties at Obama.

You're a pretty good speller.