Writing News Jokes

[JuanCarlos]

Months ago the president of CNN, Jonathan Klein, offered a choice to Lou Dobbs. He could either vent his opinions on radio and anchor an objective newscast on television, or he could leave CNN. Dobbs chose column C and called him a wetback.

[RubelT]

McDonald's is going green and swapping its traditional red backdrop for a deep hunter green in Europe to promote a more eco-friendly image. Having said that, cow farts are still destroying the planet.

[ljmcalister]

Upon hearing reports that cheese may cause testicular cancer, mice said: "And all this time we thought it was the cigarettes"

[scamboogah]

McDonald's is going green and swapping its traditional red backdrop for a deep hunter green in Europe to promote a more eco-friendly image. Having said that, cow farts are still destroying the planet.

[ljmcalister]

A 13 year old boy with Aspergers was found after wandering the NY Subway for 11 days. When asked what he was doing the boy said: "I'm looking for that jerk Jared Fogel, he's been dodging me for 11 days, I'm gonna kick his butt!"

[SlyBattery]

Black Friday is tomorrow. Its where a lot of stores do big deals to get people in to buy gifts for the holidays. Even McDonald's is getting in on this. They have a promotion where you buy 1 McRib and it comes with a free case of diarrhea.

[ljmcalister]

Lincoln College's too-fat-to-graduate rule is under fire. Students at Lincoln University with a body mass index of 30 or above, reflective of obesity, must take a fitness course that meets three hours per week. Bigger students are up in arms about this rule while the football team is happy because they think this may keep their cheerleaders from eating all the grass off the football field.

In other news, Charlie Weiss was fired today. It turns out that Charlie was in violation of Notre Dame's new too-fat-to-coach initiative.

[scamboogah]

This thread is about six months past it's 'best by' date...

[JPSpaulding]

What did the KKK do about a white sale on black friday?

[SlyBattery]

they take your baby away

[JPSpaulding]

So can i sell a white baby on the black market or on black friday "the market"?

[Soldering Iron of Justice]

FBI agents last week arrested Allison Coss, 23, and Scott Sippola, 30, in connection with trying to extort $680,000 from actor John Stamos over some compromising photos taken at a party in 2004. Agent Leslie Hahn said the plot wasn't in the cards since a pair never beats a Full House.

[allansteiner]

FBI agents last week arrested Allison Coss, 23, and Scott Sippola, 30, in connection with trying to extort $680,000 from actor John Stamos over some compromising photos taken at a party in 2004.

Allegedly the photographs depicted Stamos having an affair with Tiger Woods...

[RubelT]

Tiger Woods mother-in-law was rushed to a hospital Tuesday with stomach pains following a 911 call from his house. Elin's sister has speculated that it may have been due to food poisoning. In other news Tiger lives to bang another cocktail waitress.

[Chase Roper]

Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe has denied allegations that he was smoking marijuana at a party. He did admit however to using the engorgio charm on himself in Hermione's Chamber of Secrets.

[scamboogah]

Then it would be worse. Thanks for reading that far back, though.

[Berliner]

Predictions of 2010:

Timbuktu will be tried, convicted, and sentenced to 15 years in prison after police find videotaped footage of his crime in the basement of his house. The label on the videotapes, which forensic scientists latter matched with Timbuktu's own handwriting: I make rapes.

[Harry Bongers]

Predictions of 2010:

Timbuktu will be tried, convicted, and sentenced to 15 years in prison after police find videotaped footage of his crime in the basement of his house. The label on the videotapes, which forensic scientists latter matched with Timbuktu's own handwriting: I make rapes.

Well done Berliner.

[scamboogah]

Predictions of 2010:

Timbuktu will be tried, convicted, and sentenced to 15 years in prison after police find videotaped footage of his crime in the basement of his house. The label on the videotapes, which forensic scientists latter matched with Timbuktu's own handwriting: I make rapes.

'Bart Garfunkel' is an anagram of 'Bulk Fart Anger'....He's trying to tell us why he did it.

[Itslikeimsayin]

Some sad news from Hollywood. Longtime celebrity couple Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins have split up after 23 years together. (Audience: Awwwwwww.) Sources say that the problems arose when it became obvious to Susan that the film itself wasn't the only "Dead Man Walking" in their relationship (Jay glances toward his penis).