Dennis Miller just said, "Somali want a cracker?" on the O'Reilly Factor.
It's the funniest thing he's said since his HBO show.
Dennis Miller just said, "Somali want a cracker?" on the O'Reilly Factor.
It's the funniest thing he's said since his HBO show.
Night gathers, and now my snark begins. It shall not end until it gets hacky. I shall take my wife(... please!), hold no lands, father no negative ratings. I shall wear no crowns and win no AST Top 20 Rankings. I shall live and die by my posts. I am the LOL in the darkness. I am the fire that burns against the trolls, the sneer that guards the realms of men from Kyle Cease's Comedy Boot Camp. I pledge my life and honor to the AST's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come.
John Madden retired from broadcasting today after a long and distinguished career. Frank Caliendo's career could not be found for comment.
(I don't know whether to be disappointed or proud that there were no 'teabagging' jokes in this thread...)
"Even gutter hags trump pretty boys." - BabyCakes
Okay. This is a lame joke, but I can't get it out of my head.
"Ashton Kutcher and CNN, owned byTed Turner, are in a 'Twitter challenge' to see who can hit one million followers first. After the contest, they're gonna make a reality show based on it called 'The Biggest Douchebag' ".
Last edited by MJEH; April 16, 2009 at 10:48 PM.
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
I'm not too crazy about this one either but, again, I can't get it out of my head.
"Texas Governor Rick Perry hinted that the state should secede from the Union.
He's also trying to pass a referendum to 'abolish the use of those newfangled contraptions known as the automobile.' "
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
A protest leader in Thailand survived an assassination attempt during which 84 shots were fired at him on Friday morning, or as 50-Cent calls it, 'breakfast'.
Bush officials are defending the 1000 calorie a day limit that used to be placed on Guantanamo detainees, saying that Jenny Craig and SlimFast also restrict calories this way. They maintain, however, that testicle electrocution was strictly Weight Watchers' idea...
"Even gutter hags trump pretty boys." - BabyCakes
Wow, I thought both of those jokes were gangbusters... Where's my critique?
"Even gutter hags trump pretty boys." - BabyCakes
I thought the first one was a very spot-on "late night show" type of joke. Way to go! You did it!
Originally Posted by Scammy Davis Boogah Jr.
This thread is for crappy topical jokes, with the occasional clever anti-joke. Your last two submissions simply did not qualify; the punchlines stood out like sore thumbs, and the effort involved stood up like a middle finger to me and to everyone else who's tried very hard to be crappy at this. Save the talent for the other threads. Please!
I liked the second one better.
Also, no one told me this was a COMPETITION!!! WTF?!?!?
Now I have to try to top Scammy???
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
"The US government is looking for a few good computer hackers. They claim it's to assist with them with security issues, but it was discovered that the real reason was to figure out to download an illegal copy of '17 Again' ."Now I have to try to top Scammy???
(Yeah, yeah, I know...this one didn't do it. I get it.)
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
Texas has said they would like to secede from the Union, which is ok with me because Texas is awful.
Owzzat?
"Even gutter hags trump pretty boys." - BabyCakes
Perfection.
TOO SOON
heather : ANDREA RUNGE IS LIKE A HORNY MOTHER THERESA
I was thinking of a different ending to this one...
"...the real reason is so they can follow Oprah on Twitter."
Okay, I didn't say it was a FUNNY ending. I just said it was different.
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
A Jamaican plane hijacker was taken into custody after an 8 hour standoff in Kingston yesterday. Authorities said that in the end, the hijacker's demands could not be met, because 8 hours wasn't nearly enough time to get a copy of the Wizard of Oz with Dark Side of the Moon as the soundtrack and 6 gallons of Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby...
Happy 4/20, stoners!
"Even gutter hags trump pretty boys." - BabyCakes
"The father of a child actor in the movie 'Slumdog Millionaire' was accused of trying to sell his daughter to a reporter posing as a sheik. Negotiations broke down when the father was offered a copy of the movie on standard DVD but he was holding out for the blu-ray edition."
I hereby nominate the above joke for "Most Tasteless of the Week".
"Except for MJEH. He is an irredeemable fiend who should be locked up." - Alex Mac
R.I.P. Greg Giraldo 1965-2010
Bob Dylan was quoted recently as saying that N.W.A. founder, Dr. Dre was one of the driving forces that has killed off the kind of music he loves. Either that, or he was reciting a tuna casserole recipe. It's impossible to tell.
"Even gutter hags trump pretty boys." - BabyCakes
A Federal Judge refused fmr. Senator Rod Blagojavich's request today to go to Costa Rica to film in a Fox reality Show called "I'm a Celebrity..get me out of here." Unable to bargain for the reality TV spot, Blagojavich gave up.
The acting Freddie Mac CFO hanged himself this morning. Suicide is suspected, although sources suspect he may have been attempting to expand the secondary market of rope.
Scientists have been meeting to discuss advances being made in weather controlling machines. They all agree that the most difficult part of inventing weather controlling machines is finding enough white cats to slowly pet while they describe them.
"Even gutter hags trump pretty boys." - BabyCakes
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